Walking around a drug-store

I was walking around a drugstore the other day. I was feeling a bit under the weather and I was looking for some Nyquil, which as we all know, is the sick person equivalent of the recovering heroin addict giving up on sobriety and going off in search of smack.

Like most sick people, I was not in the mood to ask anybody where to look, so I went aisle to aisle, reading the little placards that hang above the aisles. There was an aisle with only two items on the placard. It read, “Family Planning” followed by, underneath, “Laxatives.”

I couldn't help but wonder to myself if anyone, in a time of panic, had used the items from the second group for the items in first group's purpose. Disgusting, but I'm fairly sure it would work.

On the end of one aisle, I saw a new product released just in time for the holidays from the Duraflame log people. Duraflame, now with Coffee-Flavouring. Who is this product for? I guess its for people who enjoy the relaxing experience of sitting beside a roaring fire with a cup of coffee, but hate actually drinking coffee.

Finally getting to the Nyquil aisle, I now had to make the difficult decision of no-name brand or actual Nyquil. Strange thoughts always seem to pass through my head during these decisions.

“I wonder how the no-name people cracked the Nyquil formula?”

“How long did it take them? Months, years?”

“If I got the no-name brand and it didn't work, would I be man enough to return it and admit to the cashier that I'm a cheap bastard?”

“Why is the no-name brand $15 for 270 mL and actual NyQuil $17 for 260? I wonder how much it cost for 270mL of heroin? It may not help me get better, but I'm pretty sure I wouldn't care about my cold symptoms and at the same time, maybe I could save some money.”

Also, I had to decide between Dayquil or Nyquil. Really, both make you really high and unable to do anything, so I guess it basically boils down to what colour you want your tongue to be, green or yellow.

I wonder what happens if you mix Dayquil and Nyquil. Is it like the red/blue gum in Mission Impossible, you mix the two and they explode? If so, I think the drugstore needs better security to guard against the terrorists. The small Pakistani women wearing the neon yellow vest doesn't seem like she could take down a terrorist cell by herself.

I got the real green Nyquil, just in case some friends came by and perused my medicine chest. This way, I figured they wouldn't judge me.

On the way out of the drugstore, I passed the feminine hygiene aisle. There was one of those warehouse packs of tampons with a giant tear in one of the corners where someone had evidently broken in and stolen 5 or 6 tampons.

I hope they never caught the shoplifter on this one. The Pakistani women seems nice and something tells me the person who stole those tampons was not in a docile mood.

Some things just aren't worth the 8 bucks an hour.

Francis Brian Shaw